


I Can't Help But Love You

by Justmymalec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Forbidden Love, Forced Marriage, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justmymalec/pseuds/Justmymalec
Summary: Magnus is set to marry someone of his father's wish. He doesn't want to but is given no choice in that matter. What would happen if a stranger walks into his life and throws him off that path?......[On Hiatus]
Relationships: Asmodeus & Magnus Bane, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood, Jocelyn Fairchild/Valentine Morgenstern, Magnus Bane & Clary Fray, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 60
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my take on the novel My Brother's Bride. I got the initial inspiration to write this from there but I've changed the dynamics a little too much. So if you wish to read that book, I insist it's a beautiful piece of writing, but you may not find it too similar to this one.

The carriage rattled along the dirt road and Magnus gazed out of the window at the countryside, feeling stifled in his best jacket and britches. It was so warm out today and the open windows of the carriage offered little relief. His father, Asmodeus, had been reading for the whole journey, not at all bothered by the heat. Magnus glanced at him but then looked away quickly lest his anger get the better of him again; they had already fought this morning about today's trip which was to determine the rest of Magnus’ life. It would seem that as of late, Magnus’ life was in his father's hands and there was precious little that he could do about it.

Asmodeus Bane had always been a dour man, even when Magnus’ mother had been alive, but since her death, Mr Bane had become virtually inaccessible when it came to any kind of emotion except for prickliness, anger and cold detachment. Magnus’ mother had been a wonderful woman; he had never understood what she saw in his father. Certainly, they were financially stable because of his father's work but his mother had never cared about that, choosing to amuse her children with walks and drawing and simple things. She used to call him Magy and said he was like her own little magician, who glittered and sparkled her life. She had always been warm and caring. His father had always been bitter and harried.

Magnus’ sister Sophie had been wed to one of Asmodeus' business associates not long after their mother's passing and was woefully unhappy, living almost a day's carriage ride away. The marriage had been one of convenience to Mr. Bane, cementing the relationship between his company and that of Sophie’s now-husband. She had clung to Magnus before she left, weeping.

"I will never be happy," she had sobbed. "I wanted to find love on my own. This isn't love."

Magnus had just held her, upset beyond measure because he had known it would happen to him too.

And here they indeed where, on their way to the estate of Valentine and Jocelyn Morgenstern. The Morgenstern’s owned the second largest shipyard in the country, the first largest belonging to Asmodeus. To combine the two would be of great profit to both of them and so it fell to Magnus to marry their daughter Clarissa and bring the families and their businesses together. Mr. Morgenstern had been more than happy with the agreement. Magnus had no idea what Clarissa thought of the whole affair seeing as he had never even met her. He sighed and then instantly regretted it.

"Do not start with that again," Asmodeus said in a low voice.

  
Magnus bit his tongue. "Sorry, Father."

Mr. Bane rattled his papers. "This is for your own good."

Magnus turned once more to the window. "Is it," he said, quietly enough for his father not to hear.

  
Asmodeus was about to say something else when the carriage jerked, rocked and clunked to the side, throwing Magnus and his father out of their seats.

  
"What is this?" Asmodeus fumed, picking himself up. "Driver!" he shouted.

  
Magnus climbed out of the carriage on his side, jumping down onto the road. Around the other side of the vehicle, the driver was looking at the front wheel. It appeared to have hit a hole in the road and was now firmly stuck. The two horses paced and whinnied as Magnus’ father glared and took out his pocket watch.

  
"I'm sorry, Sir," the driver said, taking off his cap and wiping his forehead. "I'll see if I can get the horses to pull the carriage free."

  
"We shall be late at this rate," Asmodeus muttered angrily, as if this was the poor driver's fault. These back roads were terribly maintained and he had been doing his best the whole journey to avoid such a situation.  
Magnus’ frustration flared again and he needed to get away from his father and his arrogance and he backed away, ducking through the hedges that lined the road and striding into a lush green field. He started to walk, trying to clear his head.

  
"Magnus!" his father shouted from beyond the foliage. "Magnus, where are you?"

  
He ignored his father and started to walk faster, heading towards a small copse. _What if I just kept on walking?_ he thought miserably. _What if I just turned my back and kept on walking?_ It was an absurd thought; he did not have a penny to his name that wasn't his fathers. He was trapped. Trapped in his own life. He suddenly felt unbearably hot, nausea flooding him. He reached the small group of trees and fell into the shade, resting against one of the cool tree trunks, grabbing at his collar to loosen it.

  
"I cannot do it..." he gasped to himself and breathed heavily, his chest feeling as if in a vice.

  
There was rattle of leaves above him and he titled his head, expecting to see a bird or squirrel. Instead there was a man, perched on the branches above him. Magnus stumbled back, more embarrassed than shocked, caught in a moment of weakness by a total stranger.

  
A moment later, the man jumped down from the tree, his arms loaded with plums, a few of the fruits falling to the ground at his feet. He was dressed in commoner's garb - a pair of worn britches too big for him and held up with suspenders over a grubby white shirt. He was shorter than Magnus, with large apologetic blue eyes. A cap covered his head but a small tuft of raven hair poked out from the peak.

  
"I am sorry," he said quickly. "I did not mean to startle you." His voice was deeper than his stature betrayed.

  
Magnus quickly fastened his collar and straightened himself. "Do you make a habit of stalking people from trees?"

  
"No," the man said. "I was here first so by all accounts, _you_ were intruding on me." His mouth quirked in a small grin.

  
Magnus was taken aback the man's brazen cheek. "How dare y - " he began but dizziness overtook him again and he staggered a little.

  
The blue-eyed man dropped his fruit and caught Magnus in an instant, wrapping an arm about his waist. Despite his height and slight build, he was surprisingly strong. "Easy now. Come and sit."

  
Magnus forgot his indignation and allowed himself to be led back to the shade. He sat against the tree and the man knelt before him as Magnus wheezed. He reached for Magnus’ collar and then stopped.

  
"May I?"

  
Magnus nodded and his collar was loosened again. He took huge gulps of air, still not able to quite catch his breath.

  
"Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth," the man said, looking at Magnus. "Believe me, it will work. Just concentrate on the breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth." He prompted Magnus to try.

  
It did work; within a few moments, Magnus felt his heart returning to a much less thumping pace. He rested his head against the tree and closed his eyes.

  
"Thank you," he said quietly.

  
"Do you feel better?" the man asked.

  
Magnus opened his eyes. "I seem to have traded a dizzy spell for mortal embarrassment."

  
The man smiled but it was not mocking. "There is no need for that. I too suffer from occasional spells. Once I was at the farmer's fair and fainted clean away into a cow flop from the heat. Not my finest moment."

  
Magnus laughed a little, soothed by this stranger's easy nature. "I am sorry I was so rude before."

  
The man shrugged with another grin. "Well, I _was_ stalking you from the tree tops. I saw you walking from beyond the hedges. Did you come from the road?"

  
"Yes, our carriage ran into some difficulties. I just...needed some air."

  
The man watched him but did not pry. He picked up one of the plums and handed it to Magnus. "Here, this will make you feel better still. They are very sweet from these particular trees."

  
Magnus bit into it and the man was right; it was delicious. "Do you hunt plums often?"

  
The man laughed. "Of course. They are very easy prey but they are not plums, they are damsons. It is easy to confuse the two though." He began to gather the fallen fruit. "I must be on my way. These are for a pie whose very existence depends on their delivery."

  
Magnus smiled; this gentleman was odd but delightful. He had been under his father's harsh demeanour for so long that he had almost forgotten that joyful people existed.

  
"Thank you again," Magnus said getting to his feet, indeed felling better for the fruit.

  
"It was my pleasure. I hope your carriage journey runs smoother from here on." 

  
"I do not," Magnus muttered as he brushed off his coat.

  
The man considered him for a moment but said nothing. He offered him two more damsons. "For the road."

  
Magnus took the fruit with a grateful nod and watched the man walk away through the copse to the field beyond. "Oh, I did not ask your name!" he called.

  
The man turned, walking backwards. "No, you did not!" he called back and then continued walking, not breaking his stride.

  
Magnus shook his head with a mixture of amusement and confusion before heading back towards the road.

  
***

  
His father was furious.

  
"Where have you been?" he hissed. "We could have done with your help."

  
"I needed some air," Magnus said simply and climbed back into the carriage.

  
His father climbed in after him, slamming the door and banging on the roof for the driver to proceed. The carriage swayed along the road and the air inside was stifling once more.

  
"I have just about had it with your nonsense, Magnus. I will not put up with it for any longer."

  
"You will not have to," Magnus spat back at him. "I will be living with the Morgensterns soon and then you will have the house all to yourself, _finally_. That is what you have always wanted. Mother is dead, Sophie is far away and I am almost gone. You can at last spend all of your time with the only person you have ever loved: _Yourself_."

  
Asmodeus grabbed him roughly by the arm. "Do not push me, Magnus. Not today." His face was thunder.

  
Magnus clamped his mouth shut. As much as he tried to spar with his father, he never got the better of him. His father terrified him, as much as he was loathe to admit it. He snatched his arm back and remained sullen for the rest of journey, fighting back tears.

  
Soon the Morgenstern’s formidable estate rose into view; it was a sprawling mansion and grounds set into gorgeous woodland. They also had stables and several acres of farmland. Respected in the county by rich and poor alike; they were of high social standing but kind and fair, generous with their wages and to work for them was something many aspired to.

  
Asmodeus fixed his coat and brushed off his top hat. "Put on your hat," he said stiffly to Magnus.

  
Magnus picked up his top hat from the chair and put it on. He hated wearing a hat but did as his father asked. Twenty-five years of age and he still put on his hat whenever his father told him too. Resentment washed over him again.

  
The carriage followed the long driveway up to the house. Magnus tried not to gawp; peacocks walked jauntily in the road, their colourful feathers flashing in the afternoon sun. Soon the carriage reached the house and stopped. A manservant immerged from the house, smiling.

  
"Mr. Bane, welcome!" he said. "Please follow me." He nodded hello at Magnus and they walked with him into the hallway of the Morgenstern home.

  
It was much much bigger than their own home but it felt lived in and warm; Magnus’ own home had felt like an empty shell since his mother's death and Sophie’s departure and his heart ached. _Maybe the house will be one good thing to come of this_ , he thought sadly as he stopped to admire a lovely watercolour of the Morgenstern grounds hanging on the wall.

  
"Master Magnus?" The manservant's voice snapped Magnus out of his observation of the artwork and he hurried to catch up, ignoring his father's glare.

  
They were led to the drawing room which was bright and cheerful, filled with lovely furniture, a piano and a huge fireplace. Mr. and Mrs. Morgenstern rose from one of the couches and stepped forward eagerly.

  
"Welcome!" Valentine said, pumping Asmodeus’ hand with his own. "So good to see you, Mr. Bane. How was your journey?"

  
Asmodeus flashed the friendly smile that he only ever used on clients and colleagues. "It was fine," he said, omitting the pot hole. "This is such lovely countryside."

  
Valentine turned to Magnus, his smile genuine and happy. "This must be Magnus! Hello, young man. It's a pleasure to meet you. This is my wife, Jocelyn."

  
Magnus took off his hat and gently shook Jocelyn’s hand . "It is an honor, Mrs. Morgenstern. Thank you so much for having us in your home." Magnus could see the tenseness slipping from his father's shoulders. Magnus may have been petulant in the carriage, but he wasn't about to act like a child in front of these fine people.

  
Jocelyn beamed at him. "Hello Magnus. I've heard so much about you. Please, come and meet Clarissa." She ushered him to the young woman still sitting on the couch.

  
Clarissa stood and shook his hand. She was very pretty, with beautiful red-hair that was done up in one of the new continental styles that had become popular in the city.

  
"Hello," she said with a shy smile.

  
Magnus smiled back, feeling nothing. "Hello Miss Morgenstern."

  
“You may call me Clary, Mr. Bane.” She said.

  
“Magnus.” He corrected and she nodded in affirmation. 

  
"Come, sit!" Valentine said and Magnus and his father took the couch opposite. "Underhill, would you please fetch the tea?"

  
"Certainly," Underhill said and left the drawing room, pulling the door shut behind him.

  
"We have a lovely dinner planned for later but I thought we could have some tea and refreshments and then go for a walk in the grounds," Valentine said. "Does that suit?"

  
"That sounds wonderful," Asmodeus said and they began talking about their shipyards.  
Jocelyn listened, interjecting with insights. Magnus could see she was an intelligent woman, not one for sitting meekly while the men discussed business. He had heard that she took a hand in most of the book keeping for the shipyard and admired her greatly for it. He sat quietly, occasionally glancing at Clary. She merely sat and watched her parents and his father. The chatter turned to mere noise in Magnus’ head and he drifted a little, appearing attentive but slipping deeper into melancholy.

  
Underhill brought in the tea and a selection of fine looking cakes and Magnus sipped his drink and offered some compliments on the iced bun he had chosen. The conversation continued and Magnus tried to hold his cup and saucer steadily, willing his hands not to tremble.

  
After twenty minutes, the drawing room door opened again and someone hastily entered.

"I am so sorry I am late. My sincerest apologies," said a flustered, pleasantly deep voice.

  
Magnus frowned into his tea a little, the voice jogging him out of his stupor.

  
Valentine rose again. "Not to worry, my dear boy. Come and meet Mr. Bane and his son."

  
Magnus stood up when his father did and turned to face the latecomer. His jaw almost dropped when he saw who it was.

  
"This Mr. Asmodeus Bane and his son, Magnus. This is my adopted ward, Alec," Valentine said proudly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two people get to know each other more.

"This Mr. Asmodeus Bane and his son, Magnus. This is my adopted ward, Alec," Valentine said proudly.

.

.

.

Standing next to Asmodeus now was the man from the copse. He was now dressed in a fine jacket and britches. He could now see his beautiful black head, unencumbered by a hat this time and neatly combed. He looked as surprised as Magnus did to see him, his blue eyes widening slightly. What was he doing here? Magnus had thought him a commoner. He tried not to let his bewilderment show.

"It is a delight to meet you both," Alec said and shook Mr. Bane’s hand. When he shook Magnus’, his eyes twinkled with amusement but he said nothing of their earlier meeting. He took a seat in one of the armchairs and poured himself some tea.

"Were you held up in the library, Alec?" Jocelyn asked.

"Yes," Alec said and Magnus could tell he was lying. "I had to check my calculations a few times before I was satisfied. I wish I was stronger with my mathematics."

Jocelyn beamed. "I am teaching Alec to be a book keeper."

"A fine profession," Asmodeus said and Magnus could hear the barb meant for him.

Magnus had wanted to be a teacher but his father had forbidden it, admonishing it to be pauper's career.

"I get a little carried away in the library when I am working," Alec said with a grin. He finally looked at Magnus who guessed he should have been in the library but had in fact been gallivanting about the countryside in clothes below his standing, picking damsons from trees.

"I did not know you had a ward," Asmodeus said.

Valentine poured them some more tea. "Alec’s family worked for us for many years and were extremely loyal. After his parent, Robert and Maryse Lightwood, died, I took him in, offering him the chance to train as an apprentice."

Alec smiled sadly. "The Morgensterns have been very good to me. I am lucky to have found another family."

"Alec is like the brother I never had," Clary added, fondly. Her eyes darted to Magnus and then she smiled meekly down at her lap. Magnus tried not to despair; his mother had been a strong, opinionated woman and Sophie had fought to the last to refuse her marriage. Meekness was not a trait he was used to.

"We are going on a stroll of the grounds shortly, Alec. Will you join us?" Jocelyn asked.

Alec nodded. "A break would be most welcome." He did not look at Magnus again, instead concentrating on his tea.

There was more chatter and then Underhill came to clear away the cups and empty plates. Magnus and his father followed Mr. and Mrs. Morgenstern out of the French doors and down the veranda steps to the rose gardens. Alec and Clary followed behind.

Asmodeus listened with feigned interest - Magnus could tell – as Valentine talked about his flowers. As they walked, Jocelyn beckoned to Clary to talk to Asmodeus about some of the hybrid seeds they had acquired from overseas and how tricky they could be to grow. Magnus dropped back, his hands clasped behind him. As they continued on through the flower beds, he was aware of someone at his side.

"So, Mr. Bane," Alec said, quietly enough that the others would not hear. "Fancy meeting you here." He gave Magnus a knowing smile. "You looked very surprised to see me earlier."

Magnus composed himself. "Drawing rooms are very different places from fruit trees. And, you may call me Magnus. Mr. Bane sounds like my father.”

Alec laughed softly. "Ofcourse. And yes, they are."

"Why were you there? And why were you dressed as a commoner?" Magnus asked.

"Helen, the cook, wanted to bake a damson pie so I offered to fetch some. I could not very well go climbing trees in my finery, could I? Besides, I was a _commoner_ not too long ago."

"I meant no offence," Magnus said. "I am just...today is shaping up to be a very overwhelming day."

Alec’s eyes were understanding. "I take no offence. I can see now why you had your spell earlier."

"Please do not tell anyone," Magnus said, even quieter than they had already been talking.

"I would not do such a thing," Alec said and waved a hand at the flower bed to his left, as if they were chatting about the plants. "It is perhaps not the same as being betrothed to someone for business reasons but I know a little of how it feels to have your life controlled by another."

"You do not like living with the Morgenstern’s?" Magnus asked.

"They have been very good to me," Alec said a little sadly, "but book keeping was not what I wanted of my life."

Magnus wanted to ask him what he _did_ want of his life but Jocelyn turned to him with a bright smile. "Magnus, come and walk with Clary."

Magnus turned to Alec and nodded before walking next to Clary behind Asmodeus and Valentine . They said nothing to each other and Magnus willed himself not to break into a run and leave this place for where would he go?

***

It was almost time for dinner when they had walked the grounds and when they got back to the house, the dining room was prepared with a fine meal of roast pheasant. Magnus tried to enjoy the food, which was delicious, but every mouthful felt like paper sticking in his throat. He smiled and nodded along with the conversations - how fashion was changing, a new type of farming technique that was sweeping the nation - but his mind was adrift with worry and despair. At one point, he took a large sip of his wine and saw Alec watching him. He offered Magnus a small reassuring smile.

After dinner, they retired to the drawing room again for coffee and dessert, which was the damson pie that Alec had gathered the fruit for. It was delicious. Magnus sat with his father who had been looking more and more pleased with himself, obviously thinking that shunting Magnus at the Morgensterns had been an excellent idea.

"Clarissa, my dear, how about you play us a piece on the piano?" Valentine suggested.

Clary smiled and walked over to the grand piano in the corner, sitting on the small bench and looking through some sheet music.

"Clary is an excellent pianist," Jocelyn told Magnus. "She has been playing since she was seven years old."

"That is most commendable," was all Magnus could think to say.

"Alec can play too," Valentine said. "We are never short of tunes in this household!" He laughed merrily, maybe he had had too much wine.

Alec smiled modestly. "I am not as accomplished as Clary."

"I would like to hear you play," Magnus heard himself saying and Alec looked to him in surprise.

"I...perhaps, when Clary is finished," he said.

Jocelyn clapped her hands. "Oh wonderful! It is like our very own concert."

Magnus glanced at Alec over the rim of his coffee cup. The look on Alec’s face was hard to decipher. He seemed to be amused and annoyed in equal measure.

Clary was indeed a fantastic pianist and she played a few popular pieces - jaunty and meant for dancing - graceful and poised, her face set in a peaceful smile, fingers handling the keys with skill. When she had finished, everyone clapped and she returned to her seat, looking down at her lap.

"Off you go, Alec. Do not think that we have forgotten you!" Valentine said with a grin.

Alec stood and fixed his jacket. Magnus couldn't help but notice that he seemed embarrassed, wringing his hands as he walked over to the piano. Magnus was starting to feel a little rotten for having put him on the spot the way he had but then Alec started to play.

It was true - he was far less skilled than Clary but he played with more passion, his personality almost apparent in the music as he performed a slightly sombre, dramatic piece, the music appearing more real to Magnus than Clary’s pieces had done. His back was straight and his face serious, his jaw set in determination. Magnus noticed that he wasn't playing from any sheet music either and he could not help but be more impressed than he had with Clary’s performance. He put his coffee cup down and watched. The piece was obviously very important to Alec, Magnus could see that much on his face.

When he finished, everyone clapped again and Magnus tried to catch Alec’s eye as he sat, maybe to offer a silent apology, but Alec just sat and listened to the rest of the conversation with his eyes fixed downwards.

"Well, I suppose we should get down to the matter of your visit," Valentine finally said and Magnus’ heart sank.

"Yes indeed," Asmodeus replied and Magnus hated the smugness in his voice.

Valentine turned to his wife. "My dear, would you and Clary please take your leave while we discuss business matters?"

"Of course," Jocelyn said but she looked as though she would rather stay and join in. "It was so lovely to meet you, Magnus."

Magnus stood and took her hand. "The pleasure was all mine, Mrs. Morgenstern."

Clary smiled at him again and Magnus smiled back, willing his mouth to make the correct movements. Alec rose from his seat too.

"I have some work to finish in the library so I will also take my leave. It was an honour to meet you both." He shook Asmodeus’ hand and then Magnus’, finally meeting his eyes. "I hope we will meet again, either indoors or outdoors," he said and his eyes twinkled again.

"I...yes. I hope so too," Magnus said, a little flustered, remembering the field and trees this morning.

Alec left the room after Jocelyn and Clary, closing the door behind him.

"What did he mean by that, indoors or outdoors?" Asmodeus asked, taking a cigar that was offered to him.

"I do not know," Magnus said weakly.

Valentine laughed. "Oh, do not mind Alec. He is an odd one, I will say. Do not get me wrong, he is a wonderful ward and an adequate book keeper but he is somewhat of a dreamer."

"What do you mean?" Magnus asked and ignored the angry glare his father threw him.

Valentine was not even put out by the question. "Alec...needs a push when it comes to practical work. He likes to read, so much so that he can spend a day in the library and accomplish nothing but devour book after book. He is a keen astronomer and spends more time gazing at the sky than he does the numbers set before him. He is also a wonderful artist - he painted the watercolour in the hall - but that will not earn him or my company any money I am sad to say."

Magnus thought that reading and art were more than worthy traits for a gentleman to have but said nothing.

"Alec will serve me well as a book keeper but nothing more and that is fine; my wife has grown very fond of him and I am happy to indulge her in making him a productive member of this family. This is why I am so very happy that our agreement to marry your son to my daughter has presented itself; I would very much like to train Magnus in becoming my successor."

Magnus did not think that his world could grind to halt even more so than it already had. He had been growing slightly angry at Valentine’s very blasé dismissal of Alec and his interests but this was a further blow to him: His fate had already been truly sealed.

"Wonderful," his father proclaimed and Magnus could not bring himself to look at him. This is what he had wanted all along, for Magnus to be useful to him in some manner. "Well, Magnus? What do you say to Mr. Valentine Morgenstern and his most generous proposal?"

Magnus gathered himself and smiled at Valentine . "Thank you, Mr. Morgenstern. I am extremely honoured."

They had drinks to celebrate and then it was time for them to leave. They said goodbye to Jocelyn and Clary and Magnus was a little disappointed that Alec did not come to fare them well.

"Well, I think that went splendidly," Asmodeus said with a puffed chest as soon as they were in the carriage and on their way home.

It was early evening and starting to get dark. Magnus stared forlornly out of the window but it was too dark to see anything. "Yes," he said, not willing to anger his father further by staying silent.

"I think Clarissa will make a decent enough wife but our business union with the Morgensterns will see us in good stead for a long time."

"Yes, Father."

Asmodeus continued to talk and Magnus tried to focus on the one good thing that had come of the day: The rather intriguing young gentlemen named Alec.

***

Over a week passed by and all was silent about the marriage. Asmodeus was busy at his shipyard and Magnus was spending as much time as he could helping at the local school. Now that his dream of becoming a teacher was well and truly dashed, he was desperate to make the most of the time he had with the children, helping them with their writing and mathematics.

Then on the following Wednesday, as Magnus was writing a letter to his friend Ragnor at the bureau in the study, his father proclaimed, "A carriage is on its way to take you to the Morgenstern estate. Myself and Mr. Morgenstern agreed that you and Clarissa need to spend more time together and get better acquainted."

Magnus’ heart sank once more. So far, apart from dinner at the Morgenstern’s, the marriage between hin and Clary had somehow still seemed distant, something that whilst a constant niggle in his mind, was still far enough away not to think about.

"I...today?" Magnus stammered.

Asmodeus threw him an icy glare, casting his eyes across Magnus’ correspondence set. "So you have something far more important to do?"

Magnus looked down. "No sir." He hastily signed the letter to Ragnor and stuffed it into an envelope, hastily writing the address. There was also a letter to his sister and it still pained him to address the letter to Sophie Branwell instead of Sophie Bane.

"Smarten yourself up," was all his father had left to say before he left the room.

Magnus swallowed down the sudden flare of anger and went to his room to change. He wasn't dressed shoddily by any means but apparently now only his finery would do. He begrudgingly picked up his top hat and went to wait in the drawing room. Theirs was much smaller than the Morgenstern’s and had no piano. He stood by the fireplace and looked at the photographs on the mantle. He picked up his favourite, in a heavy gilt frame, of his mother, he and his sister sitting out in the garden when he had been about eleven, he guessed. They all looked so happy. More so because his father had been away on a business trip that day and the oppressive air that usually followed him around like a thick fog had been lifted and their spirits with it.

"Oh, Mother," Magnus said quietly. "I miss you."

The bell in the hallway rang and he put the picture carefully back on the mantle.

"Magnus!" his father bellowed from somewhere in the house.

Magnus did not even answer him, just opened the front door and followed the smiling driver to the Morgenstern’s carriage.

***

When they arrived at the Morgenstern estate, Underhill was outside to greet him.

"Welcome back, Mr. Bane," he said with a pleasant smile. "I'm afraid that something has come up; a fitting appointment for Miss Clarissa’s dress was suddenly made available and Mr. and Mrs. Morgenstern have taken her into the city. They send their deepest apologies as the carriage was already on its way to collect you but they will be back for dinner this evening. The house is at your disposal."

Dread surged through Magnus as he followed Underhill into to the grand hallway; a dress fitting. A wedding dress fitting. Today seemed to be the day for all of this to slap him about the face with its reality. He took out his pocket watch. It was only a quarter to one. It was a long while until dinner. "That is no bother," he lied. "Um, would you suggest anywhere I can wait?"

"Well, we would not want you to grow bored," Underhill smiled. "Master Alec is in the library working. I'm sure he would not mind if you joined him. Have you had lunch?"

Magnus’ interest suddenly returned. "No, but I do not want to put anyone out..."

"It is no bother at all. Please go on through." Underhill indicated to a large door down another smaller hallway.

"Thank you," Magnus said and started to walk.

The library was breath-taking, with high ceilings and rows of shelves filled with books and large windows to catch the daytime sun. There were several desks scattered about with chairs and a few plush armchairs. Oh well, at least I will be to hide in here when I am married, Magnus thought grimly. He looked around for Alec and finally spotted him, curled up on one of the window seats, a large volume resting on a cushion in his lap.

"Hello there," Magnus said.

Alec looked up, surprised. "Oh! Hello Magnus." He smiled and it was genuine and welcoming. Magnus felt his dread abate a little. "I had no idea you were visiting today."

Magnus husked off his hat and took a seat on the covered bench. There was a lovely view of the garden. "It was a last minute trip. So much so that my hosts are not even here."

"Ah," chuckled Alec. "That is unfortunate. I am happy to provide some kind of company for you until they return?"

There was an air of mischief about alec that intrigued Magnus. He was somewhat of a conundrum: a commoner turned ward to a shipyard baron, yet he seemed to maintain a somewhat humble air about him.

"You do not have work?" Magnus asked.

"I am finished for the day, I am glad to report, and indulging in my true interests."

Magnus nodded to the huge tome on Alec’s lap. "What are you reading?"

Alec turned the book around and Magnus recognised the Argonauts in a lush black and white illustration on the page. "Greek mythology is one of my favourite subjects," he said excitedly. "Are you familiar?"

"I know of a few tales. Mr. Morgenstern mentioned that you also enjoy astronomy?"

"Yes, very much," Alec said. His eyes were bright and he looked pleased that Valentine had told Magnus and his father such a thing. Magnus didn't have the heart to tell him the entire context in which the subject had been brought up. "I have a telescope that my parents gave me and I chart the night sky whenever the weather permits. On a clear night, there is nothing quite like gazing at the stars. It can make one truly feel very small." His face clouded with sadness for the briefest of moments before he placed his book beside him, smiling again. "I was thinking about going for a walk after lunch in the grounds. Would you care to join me?"

"I did not bring any other clothes with me if tree climbing is to be part of this jaunt," Magnus said, trying to keep a straight face.

Alec was trying to keep his own grin from taking over his face. "I do not think that will be necessary, Mr. Bane."

They took lunch in the library - tea and sandwiches - making pleasant small talk. Alec was very easy to chat to and the trepidation that had been winding through Magnus like dark tendrils was starting to fade. He almost wished he was just here to visit with Alec.

After they had eaten and Alec had insisted on returning the lunch crockery to the kitchen himself, they slipped outside into the flower garden. There were clouds overhead but it was warm and they strolled with no real purpose.

"How long have you been Mr. Morgenstern’s ward?" Magnus asked.

"Five years now," Alec said, running the palm of his hand over some carnations. "My family had a small house in the grounds beyond the stables. They had been working here for generations and I suppose Mr. Morgenstern, knowing that I was the last of the Lightwoods, wanted to give me a chance for something more when my parents died. It was important to me to keep my name if I were to be adopted."

Magnus could smell the sweet jasmine as they passed. "You seem...somewhat old to be adopted, if you don't mind me saying."

Alec chuckled. "Yes. I'm happy to have found another family at the old age of twenty-two." He sighed. "I miss my parents terribly, though."

"How did they die?" Magnus asked.

"Consumption," Alec said quietly. "Within three days of each other."

"I am so sorry," Magnus said. "I...my mother died when I was fifteen."

Alec nodded. "Mr. Morgenstern told me. I am also sorry for your loss," he said sincerely.

"I often think that all of the joy left our house the day she died." Magnus looked down at the path beneath his feet.

"I feel the same. I try to keep my parents in my heart and remember something about them every day. It never truly stops hurting, does it?"

Magnus had become accustomed to the grief that had settled in his chest since that day. "No. I am...I am glad you understand, Alec."

"Alexander," he said softly.

"Pardon me?"

Alec smiled sadly. "My parents used to call me Alexander. My real name is Alexander Gideon Lightwood. No-one else calls me that."

"My mother used to call me Magy."

"Magy?" Alec said, with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Magnus rolled his eyes. "I know. It is silly, a childhood nickname. My mother always said I was like a magician that came into her life, and filled it with sparkles and glitter. I...miss being called Magy."

"I would like to call you Mags more, if you don’t mind," Alec said.

Magnus met his eyes. "That would be lovely, Alexander."

They both laughed softly and continued walking, out of the flower garden now and towards the orchard. Alec pointed out things of interest: What fruit the Morgenstern’s grew and how often it was harvested, the different types of grass and plants that grew and the kind of wildlife it attracted. His voice was pleasant and Magnus was happy just to listen. When they exited the orchard, Alec stopped and his shoulders slumped. Magnus followed his gaze; hidden amongst some trees across a small field, the roof of a small cottage could be seen. The surrounding area was overgrown and ill-kempt; it had obviously been neglected for a long time.

"What is that place?" Magnus asked.

Alec brushed his hair from his eyes. "My old home," he said quietly.

"Oh. I am sorry."

Alec shook his head and turned away. "Do not apologise. I have not been here for a while. I was caught out by some memories."

"Good ones, I hope?" Magnus asked softly.

Alec took one last look at the cottage hidden in the trees. "Always," he said.

They changed course from the little run-down house and headed towards a small dirt track and while they were both silent as they walked, it was not uncomfortable. That was one of the things that struck Magnus most about Alec; he almost felt like he could divulge his innermost secrets and trust that Alec would not judge him nor tell anyone else.

"This is beautiful," Magnus said as they strolled and he waved a hand generally to indicate the Morgenstern land. "I am lucky that I will get to walk these grounds often when...when I live here."

"How do you feel about marrying Clary?" Alec asked and it was such a blunt question that Magnus was momentarily taken aback.

He considered saying what his father expected him to say: I am very lucky, I am very honoured. But he could not say what was expected, what was polite. He was so tired of holding back his true feelings.

"Angry. Scared." He swallowed. "Hopeless."

"Clary is a good person. I've known her my whole life but I can imagine that having the choice of who you get to spend the rest of your life with taken away from you must feel awful."

"How...how am I supposed to learn to love someone?" Magnus asked, looking to Alec with desperation. "How..." He could feel his chest tightening again, his breath leaving him as it had the first day he had met Alec.

Alec stopped them both and put his hands on Magnus’ shoulders. "It is alright," he said. "Just breathe, Mags."

Just hearing Alec call him that eased the panic. "I am sorry," he choked. He seemed to be apologising for everything. "I just...this is not what I wanted."

"I understand," Alec said and Magnus truly felt that he did. He stepped back, letting Alec’s hands slide from his shoulders and hastily wiped his eyes and continued to walk.

"Do you have a marriage proposal arranged?" Magnus asked, not wanting to wallow.

Alec chuckled and there was little humour in it. "No. Mr. Morgenstern is not as eager to try and wed me to a colleague's daughter. My future seems to be heading towards that of a spinster."

"I thought only ladies could be spinsters."

Alec smiled wryly. "Then I shall be the first gentleman. I am hardly what the fairer sex would call a catch; my height sets me at a great disadvantage. I do not think a woman would like a partner that she is most likely to trip over."

_(Yes. Alec is much shorter than Magnus here. I just wanted him to be short.)_

"Surely there is someone out there that will see beyond the physical?" Magnus said. He did not think that Alec was unattractive; his skin was flawless and pale but not to the point of sickliness. His nose and jaw were strong and defined and his smile was never false. His blue eyes were intelligent and honest. Certainly, he was short and slight but those were not terrible things to be.

Alec shrugged one shoulder. "Perhaps. I will admit that I stopped hoping for such a thing a long time ago."

Magnus wanted to argue otherwise but Alec seemed to wish to end this particular strand of the conversation. They continued to walk the grounds and their discussions turned away from such personal matters. Magnus was glad that he and Alec had connected though; it felt good to be able to confide in someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please shower me some love in the form of kudos and comments if you liked it.


	3. What A Mess!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone realises something.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for being so late. I was, am still now, due on deadlines and my exams are nearing. And there is a lot of stuff in my personal life to sort out right now. So maybe I won't be able to update too soon. But I'll try to make it worth your while. Thank you for bearing with me.

_It felt good to be able to confide in someone._

_._

_._

  
When they finally made it back to the house, the Morgensterns had returned. Underhill took them to the drawing room where Valentine greeted Magnus warmly.

  
"There they are! Has Alec commandeered you for his own nefarious means, Magnus?" He laughed uproariously.

  
Magnus smiled and shook Valentine’s hand. "I was a willing collaborator."

  
"We are so sorry to have called upon you to visit only to leave you in the lurch as soon as you arrived," Jocelyn said, a tad embarrassed. "Only, appointments from this particularly dress shop are hard to come by and Clary simply had to take them up on it. Oh, the dress is _divine_." She smiled dreamily. "Magnus, you are in for a treat."

  
Magnus thought Mrs. Morgenstern to be somewhat of a contradiction: He knew she was a skilled business woman and wondered why she was so keen to merely see Clary as someone's wife rather than a success in her own right. Perhaps Clary herself was not that way inclined and this was the best that Mrs. Morgenstern could do for her.

  
Valentine laughed loudly again and slapped Magnus on the back. Clary simply stood next to her mother, staring at the floor, her cheeks flushing pink. Magnus had no idea how to respond to the statement and floundered helplessly.

  
"I do believe I can hear the kitchen staff setting up the dining room for dinner," Alec said, saving Magnus from having to reply.

  
"Wonderful," Valentine said and walked off towards the dining room. 

  
Magnus had time to give Alec a smile of thanks before he followed Jocelyn and Clary. Alec joined them which was of great relief to Magnus; he would not feel as awkward at the table were it just he and the Morgensterns.

  
"So what did you boys get up to today?" Jocelyn asked as she cut her venison.

  
"We had a most pleasant walk around the grounds," Alec said.

  
"Yes," Magnus said. "I enjoyed myself."

  
Jocelyn smiled sweetly. "I am very happy that you two get along. It will do Alec good to have a friend."

  
Alec looked down at the table, his brow furrowing slightly.

  
"Working for our family for so long, Alec was home schooled by his parents and never really had any acquaintances," Valentine said, focussed on his dinner. "He has always been a bit of a loner."

  
"Not by choice," Alec said stiffly. Mr. and Mrs. Morgenstern seemed unaware that they had maybe offended him and continued to talk and eat. Clary put her hand over Alec’s and squeezed for a moment before getting back to her own food. Magnus liked her a little more for that.

  
Mrs. Morgenstern was about to say something else but Magnus interjected before she could. "I saw that you have apiaries. Do you sell the honey you produce?" He already knew that they did because Alec had told him.

  
Valentine launched into a long diatribe about their honey and Alec met Magnus’ eyes for a moment, thanking him silently before fixing his gaze on his food for the rest of the meal.

  
***

  
"Underhill, could you please take some dessert and tea through to the drawing room for Clary and Magnus? We will finish ours in here," Jocelyn said with a sly grin. Clary’s cheeks flushed pink.

  
Underhill gathered the things together and left the dining room. Clary got up and followed and Magnus steeled himself, rising from the table and straightening his jacket. He turned to Alec.

  
"Thank you for an interesting day, Alec."  
Alec stood and smiled warmly. "You are most welcome, Mr. Bane." There was that mischievous look in his eyes again; they would be Mags and Alexander only to each other.

  
Magnus walked through to the drawing room, his feet heavy. What on earth was he supposed to talk about with Clary? They had barely said two words to each other, but then again perhaps this was the point of Mrs. Morgenstern’s suggestion. Clary was sitting on one of the couches and poured some tea for Magnus when he entered.

Underhill finished serving out two slices of cake and left the room, closing the door behind him. Clary’s hand trembled slightly as she set Magnus’ cup and saucer down and Magnus realized the she must be feeling just as nervous as he was. He thanked her for the tea and they sat together in a stilted silence.

  
"It was nice," Clary blurted out after a moment. "Changing the subject for Alec earlier. Mother and Father mean well, they really do, but sometimes I think that they forget that Alec is a person with feelings and not just some poor wretched commoner they saved single-handed from poverty." There was a sardonic tone to her voice and Magnus felt a glimmer of hope; maybe he had unfairly underestimated Clarissa Morgenstern.

  
"He seemed to be very uncomfortable," Magnus said. "I do not think he resents your parents intentions at all but I feel like they struck a raw nerve."

  
Clary sighed. She really was very pretty. "Alec is proud and terribly polite. He would never tell my parents had they overstepped their bounds. He really should but it is not in his nature. I have always admired and envied him for those traits. I wish I were as good a person."

  
"To think of him in such a way tells me you are," Magnus said and Clary’s smile in return was surprised and bright.

  
"We have been friends since we were children. We would sneak away and play for hours when I should have been studying and he should have been helping his parents. I had the most blinding crush on him," she giggled. "I do not now, of course," she hastily added. "He never appeared to feel the same way so I made do with having a good friend who knew all of the places to find the best fruit."

  
Magnus smiled because that still seemed to be true now. "He is a very smart fellow."  
Clary sighed. "He really is. Too smart to be a book keeper. He can draw and write and he knows something about everything. I sometimes feel that even though my parents have given him so much, they have also taken a lot away from him. Does that make any sense?"

  
"Yes," Magnus said quietly. He really had misjudged Clary; without her parents here to crowd her and talk for her, she was articulate and animated. While he didn't think that he could ever love her, he thought that he could maybe like her.

  
"His parents were so lovely," Clary said sadly. "I do not know how he remains so strong. But whenever I undergo moments of doubt or fear, I only have to think of Alec and I find that I can compose myself again."

  
Magnus smiled, genuinely this time. "He has been a good influence on you."

  
Clary laughed. "Oh, not always! He landed me in plenty of trouble." She proceeded to tell him stories from her childhood, of adventures with Alec that more often than not ended with her covered in mud or with brambles tangled in her hair. Magnus laughed along with her, charmed by her tales - she had a knack for telling anecdotes - and for the first time since his father had decided upon his future, thought that this whole arrangement may not be the worst thing.

  
Underhill knocked and came in to let Magnus know that the carriage was ready to take him home. Magnus looked at his pocket watch.

  
"It is nine o'clock," he said, surprised that the time had flown by so quickly. "I had a lovely time, Miss. Morgenstern."

  
Clary smiled. "I did too, Mr. Bane."

  
Jocelyn came into the room then. "Well, I hope you two became a little more acquainted with each other." Her smile was wide and expectant.

  
Clary rose from the couch and became demure again. "Yes, Mom."

  
"Magnus, we would very much like to have you and your father over for dinner one evening to discuss the engagement party."

  
Magnus’ chest tightened once more. "En-engagement party?"

  
"Why, yes!" Mrs. Morgenstern laughed. "You cannot be set to wed and not have an engagement party. We need to discuss numbers and all sorts so could you please give this to your father." She handed him an envelope.

  
An engagement party. Magnus had not thought this would be such a big affair but of course it would be. His family was in good standing generally and the Morgensterns were considered very high society. Of course there would be a huge announcement and soirée. He just nodded dumbly and followed Mrs. Morgenstern out into the entry hall.

  
Valentine was waiting. "Magnus, it has been a pleasure. We are looking forward to seeing you here more often before the wedding."

  
Magnus shook Mr. Morgenstern’s hand stiffly. "Likewise, Sir." He glanced around but Alec was nowhere to be seen. He would have liked to have said goodbye.

  
"Alec sends his apologies but he was feeling a little under the weather after dinner and took to his room," Valentine said, as if reading Magnus’ thoughts.

  
"Oh. Is he alright?"

  
"Oh, I am sure he is. Please give my regards to your father."

  
Magnus said his goodbyes and soon was on his way home. In the carriage he had time to think about Clary. He really did have a lovely evening with her and would be loathe to admit it to his father when he returned.

  
It was only as he was drawing near to his house that he realized the reason he had such a nice visit with Clary was because they had talked about Alexander the entire time.

***

Nothing could have prepared Magnus for the absolute chaos that would ensue in the next week for the upcoming engagement party. As soon as he gave his father the letter from the Morgensterns, he seemed to be caught up in a maelstrom of dinners, invitation writing, suit fittings and his father's overbearing smugness. News of the engagement party spread and to get an invitation was a statement on ones popularity. The bigger and more elaborate it grew - the more exotic the menu became, the larger the guest list grew - Magnus felt as though he was falling to the bottom of a deep, dark lake, the light above him growing fainter and fainter. He could not have cared less about what flowers would adorn the tables, what flavors the guests should receive.

  
Four days after his last dinner with the Morgensterns, he was being driven to back to the estate to discuss entertainment for the party. He was exhausted; he had spent the morning in the city having several new garments altered and did not want to spend the afternoon further discussing the engagement party. He slumped in his seat wishing that the carriage ride would take twice as long.

  
The main hallway of the Morgenstern house was awash with activity, people rushing back and forth carrying food and fabrics and decorations. Magnus saw Underhill, usually so composed and calm, harried and red in the face, speaking angrily to one of the kitchen staff. Magnus merely stood, not knowing what do with himself. He was seriously considering slipping away when someone grabbed him by the arm.

  
"Mr. Bane, good to see you." Before he could say anything, Alec was dragging him quickly through to the library. His closed the doors behind him and the noise and bustle from the hallway was immediately cut off.

  
Alec leaned against the doors and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. It has been an absolute _madhouse_ here the last few days." He smiled. "You looked very lost so I took it upon myself to rescue you. I hope you do not mind."

  
Magnus took off his hat and swiped his sleeve across his forehead. "Thank you. I..." He closed his eyes and took a breath.

  
Alec stepped forward and guided him to the window seat. "Are you alright? Here, take off your jacket."

  
"I always seem to make a fool out of myself in front of you," Magnus said as he loosened his tie. "If I am not swooning, I am miserable."

  
"I do not think that at all, Mags," Alec said and Magnus was grateful to hear the nickname. "I have been on the outside of this mayhem; I cannot imagine what it is like to be in the middle of it."

  
"This is simply the engagement party," Magnus said. "I do not wish to think what the wedding will entail." His stomach rolled at the thought.

  
"Welcome to the Morgenstern family," Alec said wryly. "Things are never done by any half measure."

  
Magnus rested his head against the window. "It is all very overwhelming."

  
"Well, I make it my business to avoid all of the excitement and drama of the house and I do a rather good job of being forgotten and left to my own devices. If ever you need to not be noticed, simply come and find me," he joked.

  
"I would rather come and find you before I had to speak to anyone else," Magnus said before he could think better of himself. It was the truth.

  
Alec blinked in surprise and a smile that struck Magnus as sad and pleased in equal measure played on his lips. "I...that is kind of you to say. People do not make it a habit to put visiting me high on their agendas." His voice was slightly less confident than before.

  
"Really?" Magnus asked.

  
Alec glanced out of the window, his mouth twisted. "Even though I am now part of a wealthy family, I'm still seen as a commoner by the elite." He gave a sardonic laugh. "And now a lot of the people with whom I was acquainted when I was a commoner see me as too affluent. I do not seem to fit anywhere anymore."

  
Magnus was overcome by sadness. "That sounds like a lonely life," he said softly.  
Alec met his eyes. "It is." He seemed to catch himself in his sorrow and shook his head a little. "I must appear so ungrateful. I have been given a chance at a good life and here I sit complaining."

  
"You do not appear that way to me," Magnus said. He pointed at the large book next to Alec. "Still lost in your Greek mythologies?"  
Alec brightened. "Yes, very much. I was stargazing last night and have been reading about Cassiopeia. Do you know the constellation?"

  
"I am afraid I know very little of astronomy," Magnus said.

  
"Maybe one evening I could show you," Alec said, almost shyly. "The night sky is a great passion of mine and I do not really have anyone to share it with."

  
Magnus had very few close friends; Ragnor lived far to the North and Catarina was currently overseas. They wrote to each other often but it was not the same. He wanted a friend who would understand for certain what he was going through. Well, more than that, he _needed_ a friend.

  
"That would be wonderful," he said and the smile Alec gave him in response made him feel dizzy.

  
Before he could acknowledge the sensation, the library door burst open and a very flustered Jocelyn hurried in.

  
"Alec," she called. "I need your help. Magnus arrived a little while ago and nobody has seen him since - " she stopped when she saw them both sitting on the window seat. "Oh, Magnus! Thank goodness! I am so terribly sorry you were not greeted earlier."

  
Magnus rose from his seat. "It is fine; everybody looked so busy I thought I would step away for a moment or two."

  
Mrs. Morgenstern smiled with relief. "Well, we need you and Clary to discuss the music and dancing for the party. Will you please come through to the drawing room?"

  
Magnus nodded and followed her out, turning to look back at Alec and give him a nod of thanks.

  
Alec gave Magnus that strange little sad smile back in return and picked up his book.

  
***

  
Before Magnus knew it, the engagement party was upon them and he was being driven with his father to the Morgenstern estate on a Friday afternoon. The arrangement was for them to stay the next two nights at the Morgenstern house so the wedding and business proposals could be looked at and planned in earnest. The weather was lovely; sunny but not too hot, with blue skies and just a wisp of cloud.

  
Sophie had not been able to make it to the party as she was away on a business trip with her husband, which had only added to Magnus’ misery. She was the only other family he really had.

  
Magnus’ stomach had been churning for weeks and, now that the big event was finally here, was a constant rolling mess. He pulled at his collar, too tight around his neck.

  
"Leave your collar alone," Asmodeus snapped. "Must you always act like a petulant child?"

  
"I only act like one because you treat me like one," Magnus retorted angrily. Now that his father had what he wanted from him, Magnus did not have qualms about talking back. "Arranging my marriage for me, constantly telling me to tidy myself. Have you ever had any faith in me?"

  
His father turned to face him and rather than the fury that Magnus had expected, he was met with only an icy coldness. "No. Do you want to know why? Because you are entirely unremarkable just like your sister. God knows with whom each of you would have ended up marrying had I not stepped in and made sure that it was with someone partially successful. Your mother was too soft on the both of you, thinking you something special when you are no better in intelligence or manner than that of a commoner."

  
Magnus sat aghast; his father had never said such a thing to him before. So this was what he truly thought.

  
Asmodeus fixed his tie. "I often wondered if you and your sister were even my progeny. I never loved your mother and she certainly only ever had affection for you and Sophie." He turned to the window, crossing his leg, completely calm. "The sooner you are married to the Morgenstern girl, the better."  
Magnus would later wish he could have said one of a hundred things but he was dumb with shock. How could his father suggest such a thing about his mother? She had been nothing but a sweet, caring woman, devoted to her children and aloof husband. His throat was tight with upset and he turned and looked out of his own window, swallowing his rage and distress to mingle the fear and hopelessness in his gut.

  
They sat in silence for the rest of the journey and Magnus tried to compose himself as best he could as they approached the Morgenstern estate; it would not do him well to break down now.

  
The estate was heaving with carriages and guests and Magnus’ nerves set in once again. He did not know any of these people.

Their bags were taken to their quraters and they were shown through to the ball room and all the while Magnus looked desperately for Alec. His father stopped to talk with some business acquaintances. Finally, he caught sight of Alec over by one of the tall windows, talking and laughing with Clary and a beautiful brown-skinned woman. He looked particularly striking in a dark blue coat and britches. Clary looked lovely in a pale lilac dress whereas the brown-skinned woman was wearing a quite shocking shade of red.

  
Alec smiled as soon as he saw Magnus approach. "Here he is! The gentleman of the hour to join the lady of the hour."

  
Clary turned and smiled. "Hello, Mr. Bane."

  
Magnus took off his hat and gave her a little bow. "You look lovely, Miss. Morgenstern."

  
"So Mr. Magnus Bane, this is my cousin, Maia Roberts." She motioned to the other woman who immediately held out her hand as a gentlelady would.

  
"I am so pleased to meet the man good enough to wed my beloved cousin. Just be warned: If you hurt her in any way I will not hesitate to make you regret it for the rest of your life."

  
Alec barked out a laugh and Clary turned the same shade of pink as some of the roses in the garden.

  
"Maia!" she exclaimed.

  
"Oh, I am sure Magnus knows that I am joking," Maia said with a glint in her eyes.  
Magnus was about to say something when Jocelyn started to wave at Clary and Maia. "Girls! Come, you simply must meet Mr. Starkweather!"

  
Maia hissed under her voice. "Ugh, that arrogant narcissist. Come, Clary. I will show you what a fabulous actress I can be." She winked at Alec and Magnus and took Clary by the hand. Clary gave Magnus an apologetic smile and trotted after her cousin.  
Alec smiled at Magnus. "So, here is your engagement party."

  
"Yes," Magnus said and looked around at all the people he did not know, bewildered. "It will take all I have to get through the day." He took a drink as it was offered to him. "You look very nice."

  
Alec blinked. "I...thank you."

  
Magnus sipped at his punch. "Maia seems interesting."

  
Alec smiled affectionately. "Yes, she really is. I've known her almost as long as I have known Clary. She lives in the city."

  
Magnus watched as she talked to a very priggish looking man, coyly touching his arm and obviously telling him what he wanted to hear. She caught his eye and winked again.  
Alec chuckled. "She is a lot of fun to be around." He turned to Magnus. "How are you feeling?" His voice was soft, his eyes concerned. Magnus was aware of that odd dizzying sensation again.

  
"I am not sure what I feel, to be perfectly honest. This is not...all of this...this is not _me_ ," he said quietly.

  
Alec was watching him and was about to say something when Valentine’s voice boomed throughout the room.

  
"Ladies and Gentleman, dinner is served! Please make your way through to the banquet hall!"

  
Dinner was a lavish affair and Magnus sat, feigning interest in the conversations around him, trying his best to seem present, all the while his father's terrible words replayed over and over in his mind. Clary was sitting to his right and Alec to his left which left him with a feeling of relief. There was a lot of food and fine desserts and speeches. Mr. Morgenstern said how proud he was to be joining his family with the Banes. Asmodeus gave a speech that seemed to impress all but his son. He knew what his father _really_ thought of the whole arrangement. Magnus and Clary were toasted - neither of them were asked to say anything, thank goodness - and then everyone was ushered into the ballroom to await the entertainment. Clary was whisked away by her giggling friends and Magnus hoped to find Alec again. He caught sight of him over by one of the large windows, talking seriously with Maia, his brow furrowed. Maia was listening, a look almost like disapproval on her face. Rather than interrupt them, Magnus slipped out of the ballroom, seeking just a moment to himself. He felt a great numbness settle upon him, as if all of this was not real.

  
The library was quiet and dark, the evening moonlight casting shadows through the tall windows. Magnus made his way silently to the window seat. Alec’s book of Greek mythology was still there and Magnus was about to have a look within its pages when someone else came into the library. Couldn't he just get one single moment to himself?  
"Mags?" It was Alec, his voice lowered. Magnus breathed out in relief.

  
"I am here, by the window," He replied and Alec emerged from the shadows by one of the book stacks. He sat down next to Magnus.

  
"Are you alright?"

  
Magnus nodded. "I just needed a moment. Are they asking after me?"

  
"Not yet," Alec said. "Can I share your moment with you?"

  
A real smile touched Magnus’ lips. "Of course."

  
They stayed for a few moments in the silent room, not speaking. Magnus collected himself.

  
"Are you ready to go back?" Alec asked him gently.

  
Magnus rose to his feet. "Yes. Thank you, Alexander."

  
They walked out of the library together and back to the throng of people.

  
***

It was during the middle of a dance that things took an unexpected turn for Magnus. There were ten couples, including Clary and himself, dancing to a song being played on the piano by yet another woman Magnus did not know; an upbeat, jolly ditty that had everyone laughing and trying to keep up with their partners. Magnus was smiling at Clary - he was finally having somewhat of a good time - when he caught sight of Alec dancing with Maia. She was the same height as him and Alec was a _terrible_ dancer; uncoordinated and clumsy but he did not seem to care. He laughed as Maia twirled _him_ instead of he twirling her and Magnus was taken with admiration for Alec, more so than before.

  
At the edge of the dance floor, onlookers were watching and clapping along to the music. There was a group of six young men and women about his and Alec’s age watching Alec and Maia dance, cruel smirks on their faces as they whispered to each other. No doubt these were some of the people Alec had mentioned to him, those that still viewed him as a commoner. Magnus felt a sudden flash of anger aimed at them; none of them truly knew Alexander, how honest and interesting he was. How he held himself with dignity. The more Magnus watched him dancing, he slowly started to realise...

  
He was _attracted_ to Alexander.

  
The revelation hit him and he was simultaneously filled with hope and desire, dread and fear. He wanted Alexander. He wanted to spend his days talking and laughing and walking with him. But for many reasons, least of all the party he was currently at, he could not have any of that. It felt like a blow to his stomach.

  
Magnus stumbled a little and Clary’s face was awash with concern. "Are you alright?" she asked.

  
"I feel queasy," Magnus said and it was not entirely untrue.

  
"Do you want to stop?" Clary asked, no admonishment in her voice, just worry. That only served to make Magnus feel worse; he could never love Clary but she was a good person.

  
"No, I do not wish to cause a scene. I will be fine," he said and offered her a weak smile.  
There were three more dances and then the evening drew to a close. Guests started to leave, a procession of carriages outside of the Morgenstern house. Magnus, under the guise of feeling unwell, took his leave to his quarters, avoiding as many people as he could, including Alec. When alone in his room, he threw off his jacket and tugged off his tie, slumping onto the bed. He was confused and anxious; he could not deny that since meeting Alexander that day in the copse, something inside of him had changed, something he did not know had even been there.

  
But it was something he could never have, he knew that much. It could never be, no matter how much he wanted it or if Alec even wanted him back, if he was even interested in men this way.

  
Magnus dropped to the floor, resting his head against the plush blankets overhanging the guest bed, wondering when he had let his own life become such a horrid mess.

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you guys were so excited about the next chapter, I just couldn't help but abandon mathematics and write it down!!  
> So here is another beautiful chapter. I hope you'll like it.

Magnus awoke to a soft tapping at his door. He had dozed off in his sitting position and now his neck was stiff. He quickly checked his pocket watch. It was after one o'clock in the morning. Who could be knocking for him at such an hour? He hoped dearly that it was not Clary.

He opened the door and cautiously peered through the gap. It was Alec. Magnus felt an immense pressure on his chest and he knew for certain that his attraction for Alec was real. He was wearing the shirt, trousers and suspenders that he had worn the first day they had met. His hair looked soft and a little fuzzy.

"I am sorry to disturb you," Alec said quietly, "but I saw the light under your door and thought you might still be awake. Are you alright? Clary told us that you experienced a turn at the dance." He looked so concerned. Magnus’ heart ached.

"I am fine now," Magnus said, opening the door a little more but he kept his voice down. "I think the evening was just too much for me."

Alec nodded in understanding. "I looked for you afterwards but Clary asked us all to give you time to recover." He looked apologetic. "Your father was angry."

Magnus sighed. He would have to face that wrath tomorrow. "Of course he was. I have probably shamed him greatly," he said.

"Well, the Morgensterns did not care. They just wanted to know if you were alright." Alec shrugged but there seemed to be less ease in the gesture than he thought he was making. "I wanted to make sure you were alright, too." Magnus could not have been sure as the lamp in his room was dim, but he thought Alec blushed.

"I am fine. Thank you," he said and smiled.

Alec smiled back. "I was actually wondering if you wanted to join me as I...I have my telescope set up and it is a particularly lovely night. I know it is late but you seemed so out of sorts earlier at the party and I just wanted to..." he trailed off with uncertainty.

Magnus could think of nothing he wanted more in that moment, a spark of hope settling in his chest. "That sounds wonderful."

***

Alec took Magnus through his bedroom - a neat little room filled with books - onto a small veranda overlooking the orchards. It was a lovely night with an almost full moon, the sky speckled with stars. Alec turned lamp off before ushering Magnus over to his telescope.

"Take a look," he said and Magnus peered through the eyepiece and immediately sucked in a breath.

"I...it is beautiful," he murmured.

"That is the Milky Way," Alec said.

Magnus pulled away from the telescope and studied the area of sky the instrument had been focussed on. He could make out the dim swath of the Milky Way with the naked eye but when he looked through the eyepiece again, the stars were right there. "I have never seen anything like this," he said with awe. He suddenly felt very small.

Alec had his arms wrapped around himself. "I stay out here all night sometimes," he said quietly. "It may sound silly, but I often feel like this is all for me. I know others must be watching - I am by no means the only astronomer to grace the Earth - but...when I am lonely or sad, the stars are mine."

Magnus straightened himself and glanced at Alec, his outline defined in the silver moonlight. He had never felt such pure _want_ in all of his life, such naked desire. He could do nothing with it, however.

"Whenever I look at the stars from this moment on, I will think of you," he said. It was meant to sound jovial but his voice came out too low.

He could not tell if Alec was looking at him but the silence between them was different now. They stood together and watched the sky without speaking.

***

The following day was terrible.

The reason for Magnus and his father to stay for two nights at the Morgenstern’s was not only for the engagement party, but also to begin plans on Magnus and Clary’s wedding and also for Magnus’ future role as Mr. Morgenstern’s successor.

The morning was spent in the drawing room discussing the wedding: Clothing, food, guests, more things than Magnus could remember. The wedding was scheduled for after a month and a half but it felt like it was just on his throat. He was starting to feel that tightness in his chest again, that hot sensation under his collar. He breathed as calmly as he could while Jocelyn talked about the church they were to hold the ceremony in with the reception to be held on the grounds of their estate, preferably outside if the weather was good. Magnus and Clary both sat together in silence, neither of their opinions asked on anything. Clary’s face betrayed nothing of how she felt and Magnus wondered if he could ever ask her truthfully of her feelings on this whole matter. He suspected, much like himself, that her parents made many of her decisions for her. It seemed to be the way with many children of well-to-do families, as if they could not be trusted to make lives for themselves. The only exception Magnus had heard of was Sebastian Verlac, the son of a richer-than-most inventor and socialite who gallivanted around the world with his father's money. Stories of Sebastian’s escapades were often regaled at parties and were sought after points of gossip. Magnus had scoffed at the stories but he was secretly envious: envious of Sebastian’s freedom.

Magnus knew that he should consider himself lucky; he would never want for anything in his life when it came to money. There were people far worse off than he, struggling to feed their families. Maybe his personal freedom was a small price to pay.

By lunchtime, Magnus was glad to be out of the drawing room. They ate in the dining room but Magnus just picked at his food, not wishing to seem ungrateful but struggling to eat anything. Alec was elsewhere, having taken his food earlier and Magnus was disappointed. He was sure that seeing Alec would have made everything more bearable.

***

Jocelyn and Clary left after lunch for an appointment in the city. Before they parted, Clary offered Magnus a reassuring smile, following her mother to the awaiting carriage. Magnus, Asmodeus and Valentine went through to Valentine’s study to discuss business and that is where things truly fell apart.

Pleasantries began to fall away as soon as money was discussed and the negotiations between Mr. Morgenstern and Mr. Bane became heated and strained. Magnus shrank in his chair, folding himself in on his misery and the two older men's voices became an angry drone in the background. He did not follow the debate; indeed, there was no need for him to as contracts were eventually signed on his behalf. Mr. Morgenstern promised him a meeting after the wedding to cement his place in the family business.

By dinner, Magnus was exhausted. He ate mechanically, answering when asked questions, smiling politely but his body felt hollow. Clary asked him if he was alright, low enough for nobody else to hear. Her concern was genuine and Magnus was grateful, once again claiming that he thought he might be coming down with something. She hesitated but then reached out and squeezed his hand a little before turning her attention back to her food.

Alec was at dinner but now Magnus could not bring himself to look at him, to be reminded of what his life could not be. He could feel Alec watching him, trying to draw Magnus’ attention, his concern almost as solid as the food on the table but Magnus refused to meet his eyes. It was selfish he knew, but he could not trust his emotions at that moment.

The day had fatigued everyone and bedtimes were met sooner than they usually would have been. Magnus was barely able to string together any more pleasantries and made a hasty retreat to his room once more, closing the door behind him and sinking to the floor. Tomorrow he and his father would go home. He thought of the wedding.

_His_ wedding. The wedding he did not want.

***

A knock at his door woke him. He was not sure how long the noise must have been going on but he blinked and looked to the window. It was late, or early depending on how you viewed it, the moon high in the night sky. Magnus crossed the room in his bed clothes and opened the door, peering through the small gap.

Alec was in the hallway in his favoured shirt, trousers and suspenders.

"Hello," Magnus said softly.

Alec shoved some clothes into Magnus’ hands, similar to his own but in a larger size. "Put these on and meet me in my room."

Magnus took the clothes and stared down at them. "What for?"

"I want to show you something." Alec’s voice was hushed and neutral.

Magnus sighed. "Alexander - "

"Please, Mags. Just put on the clothes?"

It was the use of his nickname that swayed him again. He nodded at Alec and closed his bedroom door, changing quickly. When he stepped into the hallway, dark save for the moonlight shining in through the windows, Alec was gone. Magnus walked as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake anyone else. When he reached Alec’s room, he tapped on the door as gently as he dared.

Alec opened the door and beckoned him in, walking immediately to the glass door that led to his veranda. Magnus followed him and thought Alec wanted to show him something through his telescope but Alec instead swung his leg over the side of the loggia and began to scale the wall to the ground.

"Alexander, what are you doing?" Magnus hissed, leaning over to watch as Alec dropped smoothly to the ground.

"Come on," he whispered back, a playful smile on his face.

Magnus huffed and carefully tried to replicate Alec’s movements, almost losing his grip once but happy as soon as his feet touched the ground.

"What are we doing?" he asked, glancing back at the dark, silent house.

"This way," Alec said and he scampered off across the lawn towards the orchard.

"Alexander!" Magnus called, his voice an annoyed hiss but Alec was either out of earshot or simply ignoring him. Magnus favored the latter. He ran after him across the lawn, hoping desperately that no-one else was awake to see him.

When he reached the orchard, Alec was waiting for him, a mere silhouette under the canopy of leaves. "We can talk now, no need for whispers," he said and started to walk through the trees.

Magnus joined Alec, walking at his side. "Are you going to tell me what we are doing or must I guess?"

Alec laughed and it was a delightful sound. "You can try but I do not think you will guess correctly."

Magnus huffed. "You are very irritating. You know this, do you not?"

"Oh, most certainly," Alec answered and Magnus finally chuckled.

They walked on in silence and Magnus would not have admitted it to anyone but he was a little afraid. Things that would seem innocuous in the day were strange and foreboding in the darkness. But Alec seemed unafraid and Magnus trusted him.

He was also afraid of his feelings but pushed those aside as best he could.

Eventually the trees thinned and they entered a clearing. There was a small pond surrounded by long grass, the moonlight reflecting off of the water. Bulrushes swayed lightly with a breeze that Magnus could barely feel and frogs chirped happily into the night.

"Here we are," Alec said triumphantly.

Magnus was confused. "And what are we doing here?"

"We," Alec proclaimed as he proceeded to take off his shoes, "are going to catch frogs."

Magnus stared at him incredulously for a moment. He could see Alec clearly, smiling and pale in the light of the moon. His hair appeared silver, his skin radiant. "Pardon me?"

Alec laughed again and rolled up his trouser legs. "Frog catching! It is a lot of fun. Do not worry, we will let the frogs go after we catch them."

"Alexander, what in the world - "

Alec stepped up to him and Magnus’ heart began to pound but Alec just put his hand on his shoulder. "I saw how hard today was for you," he said, his voice soft. "I wish...I wish I could do something more for you but...when I was younger and could not sleep because of a medley of anxieties, I would come here and catch frogs for a while. It took my mind off of my worries, if only for a short time. I just...wanted to be able to do something. Anything. For you." His confidence had slipped again in that way it did.

Magnus swallowed; this had been a lovely thought. Something so simple yet so personal; something that was important to Alec. "Frog catching it is," he said with a thankful smile.

Alec showed him how to find the frogs by listening to their chirps and carefully but quickly catching them by demonstrating. They were both up to their knees in the pond, as that was as deep as it went, and Alec waded carefully over to Magnus, his hands cupped. He showed Magnus how to hold them as not to hurt them.

"What do we do with the frogs when we catch them?" Magnus asked, eyeing Alec’s hand warily.

"We let them go. The joy is in the chase." Alec opened his hands slowly and a small frog sat in his palm, shiny in the moonlight. Magnus leaned in for a closer look and the frog jumped from Alec’s hands. Magnus shrieked and almost fell over, hearing a soft _splish_ as the frog landed in the water.

Alec laughed, his voice musical in the night and Magnus laughed with him. They spent an hour chasing frogs, seeing who could catch the biggest. They were delicate creatures; Magnus could feel the vulnerability in their soft bodies, their bones beneath their smooth skins.

Magnus stopped at one point and stared up at the stars, the mud of the pond bed satisfying between his toes, his troubles forgotten for a moment.

Alec stopped and stood in the water next to him, hands on his hips and looked up too. "It is so beautiful tonight. Do you know many constellations?" he asked Magnus.

Magnus lowered his hands to the water and let a frog go that he had been gently holding, watching as it swam away. "Only Ursa Major."

"I would like very much to travel to the Southern Hemisphere at some point in my life. There are many constellations there that are different; is that not incredible?"

"I am not sure," Magnus said. "Would it not make you uneasy to stare up at an unfamiliar sky?"

Alec laughed softly. "Not at all. It would thrill me to learn the sky anew."

Magnus felt that sweeping sensation he experienced whenever he was with Alec. No-one else he knew spoke in such a way. "I am not even familiar with _this_ sky. Tell me about one of the constellations."

Alec pointed. "Do you see the stars shaped like a W? That is Cassiopeia."

"Are all of the constellations Greek in origin?" Magnus asked, staring upwards. Indeed he could see the W very clearly.

"For the most part," Alec answered. "Cassiopeia boasted that she was more beautiful than the sea nymphs and was banished to travel around and around the North Star on her throne."

Magnus shook his head. "So many strange tales."

Alec wiped his hands on his trousers. "True, but they can also be very beautiful. My favorite Greek myth is that of Orpheus and Eurydice. They were husband and wife and very much in love. Eurydice died after falling into a pit of snakes and Orpheus sang such beautiful and melancholy songs about her, the Gods allowed him to travel to the underworld to bring her back to the world of the living."

Magnus stilled, listening to the tale. Even the frogs seemed to have become quiet.

"There was one condition of Orpheus's journey though: On the way out of the underworld, Eurydice had to walk behind him and no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how badly he wanted it, Orpheus could not look back at her otherwise she would return to the underworld forever."

"What happened?" Magnus breathed, rapt.

Alec stared up at the stars. "They walked through the underworld and made their way back up to Earth but Orpheus began to doubt that Eurydice was behind him. Just before they escaped the underworld he could not help himself and turned to look. She was indeed behind him but because he broke the condition set by the Gods, she was banished back to the underworld and he never saw her again."

"That is a terrible tale!" Magnus exclaimed. "Why would Orpheus not trust that Eurydice was behind him?"

"I suppose he was so in love with her that he could not bear to think that she was not there," Alec said. "But that is not the point of the story! He travelled to the underworld to bring her back from _death_. Do you not think that is romantic?"

Magnus looked down into the water at his knees. His heart began to pound. "I have never been in love so I do not know."

Alec took a few steps towards him through the water. "I have never been in love either but I think it is very passionate. To love someone enough to challenge death? Can you think of anything more romantic?"

Alec was only a foot away from Magnus with a smile on his face and Magnus took the _biggest_ risk of his life.

_**"Catching frogs by moonlight?"** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger?
> 
> Tell me what you think will be Alec's reaction to this confession.
> 
> Give me some love in the form of kudos and comments if you liked it.  
> And I've next chapter almost written down, I'll try to update pretty soon. I can't help I just love this story too much.


	5. Chapter 5

Alec _took a few steps towards him through the water. "I have never been in love either but I think it is very passionate. To love someone enough to challenge death? Can you think of anything more romantic?"_

_Alec was only a foot away from Magnus with a smile on his face and Magnus took the biggest risk of his life._

**"Catching frogs by moonlight?"**

he said, his voice soft and nervous. He heard Alec’s breath catch and before he could think too much about it and let the chance pass, Magnus leaned forward and kissed Alec on the lips, a gentle, hesitant kiss. He felt Alec stiffen ever so slightly and hastily pulled away. "I am sorry," he said quickly, "I should not have - "

But Alec grabbed Magnus by the collar and pressed their lips together again. "I want this," he whispered into Magnus’ mouth. "I have wanted this ever since the first day I met you."

At that, Magnus let his inhibitions go and wrapped his arms around Alec, kissing him deeply, something inside of him finally, blessedly, making sense. Alec’s hands were gripping his waist and it was nothing like all those kisses Magnus had had in the past.

Most of them had been quick, probably on the cheek and in the fear of someone walking in on them but this was passionate, to use Alec’s word, and Magnus was caught up in everything: The night, the water stirring smoothly around their legs, the chirping of the frogs and the smell of the grass surrounding them. More than that, he was caught up in Alexander Lightwood; this wonderful, beautiful man who had made Magnus feel much more alive than anything he had ever done. Like he deserved more than he thought he did. That he could maybe have something more from his life.

They parted, foreheads together, breathing heavily. Magnus did not want to let Alec go. Letting go would mean that all of this would end and Magnus was once again betrothed to someone else, to someone he did not love. His heart sank just thinking about it.

"This...I know too well that we cannot have this," Alec said quietly, as if reading Magnus’ thoughts. "I feel awful for Clary... And I should not do this to her."

Magnus shook his head. "I do not love her and I suspect that she does not either."

Alec looked up at him and his face was distraught. "I know but...what can we do." It was not a question and Magnus already knew the answer: Nothing.

"Let us not think about it for now," he said, stroking Alec’s face. "Tonight is for us and for us alone."

They sank into each other once more, in this strange little world that had become theirs.

***

They lay together in the grass; it was slightly damp beneath them but Magnus did not care. The shirt and trousers he was wearing could become wet and stained with grass for all he was bothered and he did not want to think about anything other than the man in his arms.

He finally felt as thought he had found his place in the universe here next to Alexander, his Alexander, that his life had found its true meaning. He reached out and touched Alec’s face again and his stomach flipped once more at his smile, how his face glowed in the moonlight. He was a fallen star: bright and otherworldly, out of place on this Earth. He did not belong here and Magnus wanted to take him far away, just the two of them forever more. Alec had literally dropped into Magnus’ life and his heart ached that he could not follow whatever path Alec may be taking.

"You are so beautiful," he said and leaned in to kiss Alec’s lips again. "Everything about you."

Alec snuggled closer to Magnus, if that was possible. "I dreamed about this so often, waking and sleeping. I cannot believe it has come true."

Magnus laughed. "I never imagined I would be somebody's dream."

Alec raised himself and rested his head on one hand, gazing down at Magnus. "I’ve always dreamed of meeting someone like you, Mags. You are the very epitome of a dream: Handsome and charming, awkward and bumbling.”

"I am not awkward and bumbling!" Magnus exclaimed.

"Yes you are," Alec said with a big smile. "It is very endearing."

"I will show you awkward," Magnus grumbled and tackled Alec beneath him in one smooth motion. 

Alec burst into a fit of giggles and Magnus joined him. They wrapped their arms around each other and laughs soon turned to kisses again, soft words, desperate longings.

"It will be light soon," Alec said a little while later, his voice subdued. "We should go back before the house staff awake."

"Yes," Magnus said and his reality started to creep back to him like a wolf in the darkness. "Alexander, what are we going to do?"

"I have no idea," Alec whispered and pulled Magnus to him for one more embrace.

***

The sky was lightening by the time they scaled the wall back to Alec’s room. They stood together next to Alec’s door for one last kiss.

"I will be leaving after breakfast," Magnus said, his voice low in case anyone in the house should be stirring.

Alec nodded. "I know. When will you be coming back? It would be too risky for us to meet elsewhere and letters are a scandal waiting to happen." He cast his eyes down, reaching for Magnus’ hand.

"We will think of something," Magnus said, raising Alec’s hand to his lips and kissing his knuckles. "Goodnight." 

Alec managed a smile. "Good Morning." 

Magnus slipped out of Alec’s room and walked back to his own and crawled into his bed fully clothed, falling into a wonderful sleep filled within happiness and Alec and kisses.

***

When Magnus awoke three hours later, his heart was heavy. Last night had been incredible, more than he ever could have hoped for. Alec had feelings for him also but they could not be. So many problems surrounded them, things that society would deem deplorable, his wedding plans, everything. He stared up at the ceiling, wanting Alec more than anything he had ever wanted in his life and yet for the time being, they would only be able to gaze at each other from afar. Another night like last night would be near impossible to replicate.

Alec was not at breakfast and Magnus was both saddened and relieved. He was not sure that seeing Alec again so soon would be ideal. What if his face betrayed him when he looked upon him? He made small talk with Mr. and Mrs. Morgenstern and told Clary some jokes, trying to make an effort with her as some kind of recompense for the guilt he currently felt. She did not deserve this. Even though they were not together and there was no guarantee that they would ever love each other, Magnus could not help the feeling of betrayal he was presenting to her.

After breakfast, Magnus and his father went to the entrance hall where their bags were waiting. The carriage had been called for and them and Magnus thanked the Morgensterns for their hospitality.

"This has been a wonderful few days for us," Asmodeus said. "We will discuss the date for the wedding very soon."

Valentine pumped Asmodeus’ hand eagerly with his own. "Yes, yes! We will also have Magnus visit us every week perhaps to build on the business side of things."

Magnus brightened a little at that; it was the perfect opportunity to see Alec. "That would be wonderful, Mr. Morgenstern."

"You and Clarissa could also spend a little more time together. We do not want you marrying as perfect strangers now, do we?" Valentine laughed uproariously and Jocelyn winced a little beneath her own smile. Clary closing her eyes in embarrassment.

The house staff started to take their bags to the carriage when Alec appeared. He had been in the library by the looks of it.

"Alec! We missed you at breakfast," Valentine said and clapped him on the shoulder.

"I apologize but I had some urgent work to attend to," Alec said and he looked at Magnus. He was doing his utmost to remain completely composed and Magnus knew that he was feeling the same way as he. Had they seen each other earlier, they could not have hidden that something had transpired between them.

"Mr. Bane and Magnus were just about to leave," Jocelyn said.

"I know. I came to bid them farewell." Alec shook Asmodeus’ hand and then turned to Magnus.

"I hope you have a safe journey home, Mr. Magnus." He shook Magnus’ hand and squeezed it, so gently no-one else would have noticed.

"Thank you, Alexander," Magnus said with a tight lipped smile. They allowed themselves a brief longing glance before Magnus turned and followed his father to the carriage.

***

Magnus had been avoiding his father as much as possible since the party, unable to bear his now very open smugness. The wedding was to be in the Autumn, one month from now. It hung over Magnus like a funeral shroud waiting to descend. As luck would have it though, work suddenly got busier for Asmodeus and he was away from the house for longer periods and Magnus was left to his own devices. A large portion of his waking hours were devoted to trying to think of some way that he and Alec could be together but he was met with dead-end after dead-end. His dreams were full of passion.

A week after the party, Magnus was called to the Morgenstern estate to meet with Valentine and begin his work as to take over the Morgenstern business. He was not looking forward to it but his heart beat faster the closer they travelled to the mansion and he wondered if Alec would be there.

"Magnus! Come in, come in!" Valentine greeted him.

"Hello, Sir," Magnus said with a smile, taking off his hat. "Thank you for your time today."

Valentine waved a hand. "It is no bother. I thought it best to get started early - it is a lot of hard work running a business as large as mine and you have certainly got yours cut out for you." He laughed loudly.

Magnus laughed politely. "Indeed I do. Is Clary or Mrs. Morgenstern here? I would like to say hello."

"They are away with Clary’s cousin Maia for a few days so you are just stuck with me, I'm afraid."

"That is no hardship," Magnus said. "Has Alec gone too?" 

Underhill appeared from the hall and nodded to Magnus in greeting. "Mr. Morgenstern, some paperwork has just arrived for you from Mr. Starkweather’s estate that needs your attention most urgently."

Valentine groaned. "Oh, what a bother. Magnus, forgive me - this cannot wait." He started to follow Underhill through the house to his study. "Alec is working in the library if you care to speak with him."

Magnus did his best to compose himself as he hurried through to the library. Alec was sitting at one of the tables with an abacus and piles of papers, frowning. He was actually working this time - no trees or Greek myths - and he did not hear Magnus come in, his head bent over his calculations in concentration.

"I think this is the first time I have actually seen you working in earnest," Magnus said with a grin.

Alec’s head snapped up and his face immediately brightened. "Magnus! What are you doing here?" He stood and seemed hesitant, as if Magnus had changed his mind about their night at the pond.

Magnus approached him, hat in his hands. "I was supposed to be meeting with Mr. Morgenstern to begin my training but he is indisposed."

Alec shifted nervously on his feet. "I...I missed you," he said quietly.

Magnus stepped towards him and leaned in for a kiss but Alec hastily ducked away. "Wait..." He grabbed Magnus by the hand and pulled him into the book stacks, away from the windows and anyone who may come in through the doors. When they were hidden, Alec immediately pulled Magnus in, kissing him softly. Magnus kissed him back just as earnest and passionate. 

"Oh Alexander," Magnus gasped, "I missed you too. So much."

They held each other tightly. Magnus buried his face in Alec’s neck. It was almost too much, what he felt for this man. He had never been overcome by another person so fast or so hard.

Alec stroked his hair. "I cannot stop thinking about you. It is almost unbearable."

Magnus lifted his head and brushed his thumb across Alec’s cheek. "I know. All I want is to be with you." He brought his lips back to Alec’s and pressed soft kisses all over his face which had Alec giggling softly. Magnus smiled into the kisses. He was falling for Alec and he was falling hard.

The door to the library opened abruptly. "Magnus?" It was Valentine.

They pulled away from each other hastily and Magnus was about to run out from behind the bookcase but Alec grabbed him.

"No," he whispered. "That will look too strange." He took a book from one of the shelves. "We are here," he called to Valentine as Magnus smoothed the front of his jacket. Alec opened the book and stood next to Magnus as if showing him something.

Valentine appeared. "Ah! I see Alec is showing you one of his many books. What is it this time?" If anything seemed amiss, Valentine did not notice, thankfully.

Alec looked at the cover of the book he had chosen at random. "Er, A Field Guide To Edible And Poisonous Mushrooms." His cheeks pinked slightly.

Valentine laughed. "You and your interests! Well, I suppose there may be a need for such a thing should one be lost in the countryside for a time."

"That is what I was saying to Magnus here," Alec said and Magnus nodded in agreement.

"I need to steal Magnus back from you for work purposes, Alec. Maybe you would care to join us for lunch later?"

Alec put the book back on the shelf. "That would be lovely." He smiled at Magnus and Valentine. "I will get back to my work."

As they were leaving the library, Magnus risked glancing back winking at Alec. He was staring back, but his face looked forlorn. And Magnus felt a pang in his chest. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some fluff coming up here for you guys!

_As they were leaving the library, Magnus risked glancing back winking at Alec. He was staring back, but his face looked forlorn. And Magnus felt a pang in his chest._

***

And that is how it went. Magnus would come to the Morgenstern estate for his work training twice a week and have lunch and dinner with the Morgensterns. He saw even less of his father which was a blessing; ever since their hideous exchange before the engagement party, they had grown apart even more. As much as Magnus was dreading his upcoming marriage, he would be glad to leave his father behind.

But going to the Morgenstern house so often was difficult: He and Alec barely had the chance to spend any time together at all. If Magnus was not working, he was forcibly spending time with Clary. He was finding out that was not as a big a hardship as he would have thought; the more he got to know her, the more he realised what an intelligent, interesting person she was. It did not quell his feelings for Alec however and his emotions became a tumult of guilt and confusion. He and Alec could only spare each other quick glimpses or, if they were sitting together at dinner, a brief brush of fingers upon fingers, or if Clary wasn’t sitting on their side, some holding hands for a bit or a little bit of footsie under the table. They only managed to steal one small kiss in the library one day while everyone was out on the veranda having tea. 

They had become actors in their own lives, feigning smiles and interest in the conversations around them when they only had eyes or thoughts for each other but could do nothing about it. Magnus knew he wanted nothing more than to be with Alec and he was certain that Alec felt it too. It was _agony_. 

**

Then one evening Asmodeus and Valentine decided to send Magnus on a week long business trip to the capital as he is the one who’ll be taking over both of their empires and it’ll do them good to give their little heir a bit of training.

So Magnus had his bags packed to leave for the State Capital and climbed into the carriage that will take him to the railway station huffing under his breath. Everyone will be there at the station to set him off and he silently hopes to see Alec before he goes away for a week. 

When Magnus was informed about his supposed trip, he was reluctant as he did not want to be deprived of any of his already minimal chances of being with Alec, for however smaller of a time they maybe and therefore tried to excuse himself justifying with the pending wedding preparations but was immediately turned down by Asmodeus.

He did not want this. Not the marriage, nor the business. He just wanted to become a simple school teacher and find someone whom he could love and be loved back.

But his father was an intimidating man who had a big empire and reputation to uphold and thus could not be swayed. There had been a part of him who had always wanted to please his father. He tried to do right by him as his son. To make him happy. As was expected of a proper gentleman of society. But nothing was ever enough. And now after their little confrontation, he felt suffocated in his own skin.

He was deep into his thoughts and did not realize when he reached the stop. He composed himself up to meet the Morgensterns and forced a smile upon his face as he stepped on to the station. They were not as bad as his father at least.

Mr. Morgenstern always humored him and treated him with respect while Mrs. Morgenstern was polite and lovely and mothered him at their dinners. Clary was a good friend and a nice acquaintance. He was starting to think of them as good people and eventually they were growing upon him. And Alec – No. _Alexander_. _His_ _Alexander_!

He was a complete delight to be around. His pretty smiles and happy chatter about the sky and stars. His soulful eyes and heavenly voice. His tentative touch and earth-shatteringly sweet kisses. He arrived at his assigned platform expecting the Morgensterns to be waiting for him but what he saw was Alec standing there smiling prettily and waving at him to come closer. He shook his head and closed his eyes. He was certainly out of his mind. He knew was falling for the boy but he was this deep _already_ , came as a surprise to him. He opened his eyes again and Alec was still there staring at him contemplatively.

Magnus rushed forward and grabbed Alec’s arm. He was indeed _real!_

“Alec? What are you doing here?” Magnus asked wide-eyed.

Alec looked hesitant all of a sudden.

“I-I.. Uhh… The Morgensterns had to stay behind… a-at home to entertain some unexpected relatives they are very close to. And the umm.. relatives do not appreciate me a-around… umm.. with me being a _commener_.. So I offered to come say goodbye to you in their p- place – ” He gasped as Magnus just crashed their bodies together and hugged him tight in front of so many people. He wrapped his arms around his back and smiled when Magnus secretly kissed his neck.

“Thank you for coming to see me off.” Magnus said as he reluctantly pulled back from the embrace. “I cannot believe how someone could not like you. You are an absolute blessing to have around Alexander.”

He blushed at the praise. “Thank you Mags”. 

Magnus eyed the bag beside Alec. Had he missed any documents Mr. Morgenstern had advised him to carry with him on the trip? 

“Umm.. Alexander? The bag? Did I forgot something at the Morgenstern’s?” He enquired.

Alec stared dumbly at him like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Is something the matter?” Magnus prompted.

“Umm.. No. I-I..” He took a deep breath. “When I offered to come here.. Clary and Mrs. Morgenstern thought that while the relatives stayed at the house, an outing would do me good and decided for me to accompany you on the trip. So t-these are uhh.... my c-clothes”. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt awkwardly. “I mean you don’t have to go with me. It’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s a business trip after all. Hahaha. I’ll be out of your hair and go somewhere else so don’t worry.” He tried waving off as if it was no bother. 

“Are you serious?” Magnus said unimpressed just as the announcement for their train went on. He could not believe Alec would think such a thing. 

“I would like nothing more than a vacation with you Alexander!” He grabbed Alec’s hand in one hand, his bag in the other, and gestured for the porter to carry the rest of the bags inside while hauling Alec inside their cabin in the train. 

He turned to Alec after paying off the porter and closing the door. Alec was standing there awkwardly not knowing what to do with himself. Magnus smiled at him and he smiled back still in his place. Magnus chuckled. ‘Cute’. He thought. 

The cabin was beautiful and had luxurious interior. It consisted of a couch and a coffee table by the window, a personal bathroom and two-single beds. Moreover, they will get to spend a whole day and a half together with no one to interrupt them. Magnus was ecstatic.

He settled himself on the couch and patted the seat next to him gesturing for Alec to sit beside him. Alec beamed and came to sit with Magnus, their knees brushing against each other. They smiled at each other as Magnus weaved their fingers together, squeezing and putting their hands in his lap and looked smiling at Alec’s face. 

“So?” He mused. 

“Hmm?” Murmured Alec.

“How come the angels above are so gracious to me that they sent a pretty one of their own to soothe my ragged soul?”

Alec laughed at that and Magnus noticed how those captivating eyes of his crinkled with glee. His smile was so pretty. He moved forward and kissed Alec’s cheek. “You are so damn pretty, Alexander”.

Alec blushed red and looked down at their adjoined fingers. “Stop saying things like that!” He smacked Magnus' arm playfully while still leaning into him. 

Magnus chuckled. “Why so, gorgeous? I’m just stating the facts”. He drawled. “Do you not like it? I should probably stop if it makes you feel uncomfortable”. He said then a bit seriously. 

Alec looked at him appalled and shook his head vehemently. “No. No. I like it!”

“So you’re just shy, huh?” Alec nodded and Magnus pulled him into a kiss. The kiss was chaste at first but got slowly deeper after that. They kissed and kissed each other to their heart’s content and for the first time nobody interrupted them. There was no fear of being seen. Just them and their bubble of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it?
> 
> PLEASE READ:  
> This trip was never planned for this story and I added it on just whim. I thought a bit of time together will help them both to figure out their feelings and they will get to know each other better without any interruptions.  
> AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO ON THIS TRIP AS IT WAS JUST A FUCKING WHIM!! SO KINDLY GRACE ME WITH YOUR PROMPTS AND I MAY JUST ADD THEM.
> 
> Please shower me with some love in the form of kudos and comments if you liked it.


End file.
